What Happiness and Fulfilment Mean in Retirement

I felt this was a blog post I just had to write.

Why, I hear you hark? Well, the answer is simple. Everything I write on this blog, and everything I utter on my podcast, is done for one main reason. That is to try to help people lead a happy and fulfilling retirement. No more, no less.

And if you haven’t retired yet, don’t worry, I’ve still got your back. My content is there to help you prepare, and subsequently live a…yep, you’ve got it…a happy and fulfilled retirement.

So, if that’s the core premise of everything I do, maybe I need to spend just a little time talking about what happiness and fulfilment actually mean to me, why they are important, how they are connected, and discuss ways of cultivating more of these two little beauties into our lives. Ooh, so much to cover. Exciting. Let’s delve straight in.

So What Exactly Is Happiness?

Now there’s a question for you. On this occasion, I’m going to turn to the Cambridge Dictionary to help me out:

happiness – ‘the feeling of being pleased or happy‘

Mmm. Okay. Not sure I’m much further forward here. Let’s delve a little further then.

Right, so happiness can be defined as a state of emotional wellbeing that gives feelings such as joy, satisfaction and pleasure. Psychologists generally break it down into two main parts;

The hedonic aspect: This is about experiencing life with higher levels of positivity, lower levels of negativity, and generally experiencing good levels of satisfaction in life. This type of pleasure-based happiness can be derived in many ways, for example;

• Spending time with friends
• Going on holiday
• Eating good food
• Watching your favourite band at a gig

You get the picture. They are things you do in the moment which you derive pleasure from. They often create positive emotions. Happy days. Well, yeah, literally, happy days. But there is a downside. As we know, these positive emotions are fleeting – you experience them during the occasion and then, well, off they trot. It makes sense. I’m a fan of the alternative rock band, Pixies. When I go to one of their gigs, I thoroughly enjoy it – you could say I am experiencing positive emotions in the moment. But if I were to retain these upbeat emotions and still be skipping around my house three and a half weeks after the gig, well, apart from being a bit weird, it would also be quite tiring. So yes, the hedonic aspect brings along temporary joy. Great, but it’s good to have more in life.

The eudaimonic aspect: This defines happiness not just as a temporary pleasure, for example, when Birmingham City win promotion to the Premier League (Villa fans – don’t take this as an excuse to leave the website), but as the fulfilment of human potential, and the pursuit of meaning and purpose in life. This could be where you are living your life in accordance with your values. Let’s take a look at a few values (as I’m sure you know, there are a lot of them) and some of the actions you could be taking to live in line with them

• Personal growth – taking courses, reading self-help books. Overall, gaining new knowledge and skills.
• Compassion – consistently showing deep compassion and empathy for others.
• Innovation – challenging the status quo with fresh ideas and perspectives.
• Integrity – doing the right thing at all times.

These are just a few, of course. So why are values important, and more to the point, why is living a life true to your own personal values necessary? A large national survey conducted by Gallup looked at what people value and whether their daily activities reflected those values. The daily activities aspect is an important part. It’s one thing for someone to say they have a desire for personal growth or are a person full of integrity, but if those values are not being displayed via behaviours, then it’s unlikely that positive emotions will be experienced. So yes, daily activities must match the values within. Anyway, back to the survey. One of the key findings from this research was that people whose daily lives were more closely aligned with what they said mattered most to them reported significantly higher levels of life satisfaction and were more likely to be ‘thriving’.

Further research shows that meaning and purpose are stronger predictors of life satisfaction than pleasure alone. The research found that people who pursue meaningful activities tend to report overall higher wellbeing than those focused primarily on pleasure or enjoyment.

Many experts believe that the happiest and most fulfilling lives combine both hedonic and eudaimonic wellbeing. As we have seen, hedonic happiness comes from enjoyment, pleasure and positive experiences, while eudaimonic happiness comes from meaning, purpose and living in accordance with your values. A danger of focusing solely on pleasure can be that it leaves people feeling unfulfilled, while pursuing purpose without allowing time for enjoyment can make life feel, well, overly serious. The ideal balance is often to have both: activities that bring joy in the moment and activities that provide a deeper sense of meaning. In retirement, this might mean enjoying holidays and hobbies while also nurturing relationships, volunteering or pursuing a personal passion.

“Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess” – Ken Dodd, 1964

My first, and most likely last, blog post, which will have Ken Dodd in, unless I write a blog about tears. In which case, he will once again reappear.

So What Actually Creates Happiness and Fulfilment in Everyday Life?

While understanding the different types of happiness is useful, it still leaves an important question unanswered: what actually helps us create a happy and fulfilling life?

One of the most influential answers comes from positive psychology. Research suggests that wellbeing is not built on a single ingredient but on several interconnected elements. Psychologist Martin Seligman captured these in his PERMA model, which identifies five key contributors to a flourishing life. These are

Positive Emotion: This goes beyond just fleeting happiness. It looks at broader feelings such as gratitude, love, hope and more.

Engagement: Being fully focused, immersed and ‘in the zone’ with the activity you are doing.

Relationships: We humans are social creatures. We love a natter. Positive relationships can give us a feeling of belonging, connection and emotional support.

Meaning: We’ve talked about meaning already. It’s important, so let’s talk about it again. Meaning enables you to contribute to something greater than yourself. This raises the possibility of making a difference in the lives of others, if that’s how you choose to utilise your purpose.

Accomplishment: It’s nice to get things done. But this means more than just putting the bins out. Achieving goals, overcoming challenges, and realising your life’s dreams can all contribute to greater self-esteem and give you a sense of pride.

It’s important to take stock here just for a moment. When I type words such as ‘gratitude’ or ‘hope’ in connection to positive emotions, they are words we can all put our hands up and say, “Yep, we’ve heard of them, Matt. It’s all good.” What is important, though, is that we live our lives and truly guide ourselves to embody these terms in the way we live. This means being truly grateful for the small things in life and also bringing hope into our lives. This might mean setting yourself an exciting challenge, or kickstarting the hobby you’ve always dreamed of doing, or, like me, just hoping that one day you’ll lose that excess weight that has been hanging around your skeleton since lord knows when. Hope. Let’s return to the Cambridge Dictionary, and this one, I must admit, I do like:

hope (as a verb) – To cherish a desire with anticipation and confidence that it is possible – Cambridge Dictionary.

We all have desires, I’m sure. And I’m sure we all want to fulfil our desires. Hope gives us the belief we can do so. Hope is important for our overall wellbeing.

What makes the PERMA model so encouraging is that it reminds us that happiness is not dependent on a single factor. We do not need perfect health, endless wealth or a life free from challenges to experience good wellbeing. Instead, happiness and fulfilment can be cultivated through the choices we make, the relationships we nurture, the activities we engage in and the sense of purpose we bring to our lives. The good news is that many of these factors remain within our control, regardless of our age or circumstances.

Retirement can provide a unique opportunity to live more closely in line with your values because you often have greater freedom over how you spend your time. And that moves us very nicely onto our next section.

So, How Do Your Values Shape a Happy and Fulfilling Retirement?

If the PERMA model helps explain what contributes to a happy and fulfilling life, values can help explain how we get there.

I touched on values briefly earlier in this post, but before we go any further, it might be useful to remind ourselves what values actually are. We often hear the word used in everyday conversation, but it can mean different things to different people.

Values act as an internal guide, influencing how we behave, the decisions we make and the way we choose to spend our time. While goals are things we can achieve and tick off a list (such as sneaking Ken Dodd song quotes into a blog post – tick), values are ongoing directions we can keep moving towards throughout our lives.

To bring this to life, let’s look at a few examples:

• Family – Making time for loved ones, organising family gatherings, being present and supportive when others need you
• Kindness – Helping a neighbour, volunteering, offering encouragement or simply taking the time to listen to someone who needs a friendly ear. Or tuning into the Your Better Retirement podcast and giving it a 5-star rating. Did I really just type that!?
• Personal Growth – Learning a new skill, taking a course, reading widely or stepping outside your comfort zone to try something new.
• Health and Wellbeing – Exercising regularly, eating nourishing foods, prioritising sleep and looking after your mental wellbeing. All so vitally important.
• Creativity – Writing, painting, gardening, photography, woodworking or any activity that allows you to express yourself and create something meaningful.

You may have noticed something interesting. The values themselves are not the actions. Rather, they are reflected through the actions we take. Someone who values kindness does not simply declare themselves to be kind. Just imagine that. A random stranger comes up to you and says, ‘Hi. My name is Roger, and I’m really kind!’ Now, I’m sure Roger is kind, but I would need to see a little more if I’m honest. I think my response would be ‘Lovely to meet you, Roger – I’m sure you are kind, but let’s see some proof, please – give us fifty quid!’ Now that would be a true test of kindness. Anyway, I digress. The value of kindness, like all values, needs to be demonstrated through behaviour. Likewise, someone who values personal growth does not just wish to learn; they actively seek opportunities to develop and expand their horizons.

This distinction matters because happiness and fulfilment are often found not in the values we admire, but in the values we actively live.

Okay, so you might be thinking, “That’s all very well, Matt, but how do values actually help me have a happier and more fulfilled retirement?” Good point well made. Let’s take a look.

I think there are three key ways values shape a happy and fulfilling retirement:

They provide direction: One of the biggest changes retirement brings is freedom. While that freedom can be wonderful, it can also feel overwhelming. When you no longer have work dictating how you spend your time, values can act as your compass, your guide. They help answer questions such as:

What do I want more of in my life?

How do I want to spend my time?

What matters most to me now?

Without direction, it’s easy to drift. I’ve been there and done a lot of drifting. I’ve learnt that how we spend our spare time, the choices we make, very much determine our overall wellbeing, and in turn, how happy we are. Consider spending your time carrying out activities that feel meaningful and purposeful to you.

They create a sense of purpose: Many people derive purpose from their career, raising a family or other responsibilities. Retirement can leave a gap where those sources of purpose once existed. For many people, retirement is also the first time in decades that their identity is no longer tied to their job title. That can feel liberating, but it can also leave us wondering who we are beyond our careers.

Values help fill that gap.

If you value:

• Helping others, you might volunteer.
• Learning, you might take courses.
• Family, you might invest more time in relationships.
• Adventure, you might travel and explore.

Purpose often emerges when we regularly act on what matters most to us.

They help us make decisions: Retirement is full of choices. Let’s face it, for a lot of us, there will be 16-hour days to fill. Each and every day – 16 hours. No job to consume us, parental responsibilities likely over (well, not over, they are never over, but you know what I mean). Activities we carried out on autopilot because they were an integral part of our lives for so long are now confined to the past. We therefore have a relatively blank canvas of time, time we need to fill and choices to therefore make. We might want to ask ourselves some questions:

How busy do I want to be?
Should I downsize?
Do I want to travel?
How much time should I spend helping family?
What hobbies should I pursue?

These, of course, are just a few examples. Values provide a framework for making these decisions.

Rather than asking:

“What should I do?”

You begin asking:

“What choice best reflects the person I want to be?”

That’s often a much more powerful question.

Put simply, values act as a compass for life. They may not tell us exactly where to go, but they can help ensure we’re heading in a direction that feels meaningful, purposeful and right for us.

Let’s Tie This All Up With a Nice Little Bow

So, where does all this leave us?

Well, hopefully somewhere rather pleasant.

We’ve seen that happiness isn’t just about collecting enjoyable moments like family celebrations, a bit more money, or trying to squeeze in one more holiday before the end of the summer. Those things matter, of course. Life is there to be enjoyed. But we’ve also seen that lasting fulfilment comes from something deeper: having a sense of purpose, nurturing meaningful relationships, pursuing goals that matter to us, and living in accordance with our values.

The good news is that none of this requires us to be perfect. We don’t need endless wealth or even a retirement schedule that is full to the rafters with endless activities. We simply need to make conscious choices about how we spend our time and energy.

Perhaps that’s the real takeaway from this post. A happy and fulfilling retirement isn’t something that magically appears on the day we stop working. It’s something we actively create through the relationships we nurture, the activities we pursue, the purpose we cultivate and the values we choose to live by.

As for me, I’ll continue trying to live in line with my values, keep learning, keep writing and keep helping people create a better retirement. I’ll also continue hoping that Birmingham City win every match they play, that I finally lose the weight I’ve been threatening to lose since approximately 1998, and that the next time I see Pixies live, I don’t spend the six months afterwards doing joyous cartwheels around our house every time I think of the gig. Geez, as if the skipping wasn’t exhausting enough.

And with that, I think it’s finally time to leave the last word to the comedian, singer, actor, and occasional happiness expert, Ken Dodd:

“Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess.”

He might just have been onto something, you know.